The Chronicle

of a ColdFusion Expatriate

Blinding My Roomba

April 23, 2021

I got a Roomba, which is pretty neat, but it’s also pretty stupid. As it turns out, it works better for me if it’s crippled and I’m going to tell you how I did it. And why; I’ll also tell you why.

This is a story about an iRobot® Roomba® 675 Wi-Fi® Connected Robot Vacuum, an array of infrared “cliff” sensors, and a man who is fed up with their bullshit.

Arduino Swivel Lamp

March 20, 2021

I’ve fiddled around with Arduino-based microcontrollers for some time, but never wrote about it. I thought it’d be fun to show off a silly thing I made recently because I think it’s really cool, but also kind of pointless, so maybe sharing it with the world can be its actual reason for existing… Then I can take it apart and reuse its guts.

I present, the network-controlled swiveling wall lamp.

There’s a crappy video and parts list at the end, if you want to scroll past all of the (shockingly impressive) how-it-works stuff to find it.

Entering Flow State With MyNoise

January 10, 2021

I want to tell you about the “ultimate noise (masking) machine,” myNoise. myNoise is a website and mobile app that allows you to explore customizable soundscapes that can help you get in the zone, change your emotional state, manage tinnitus, and more.

In this post, I’ll explain what myNoise is, how it works, make some recommendations for sound environments to try, and share a couple of tips and tricks I’ve developed.

A Celebration of CFQUERY

January 3, 2021

As the byline of this blog can attest, I was once a ColdFusion developer. In fact, I wrote ColdFusion professionally for about seven years, which is long enough to learn all of its dirty secrets and come to appreciate its (few) strengths.

Here’s a controversial take: ColdFusion has the best SQL interface for developers, period.

Having used SQL interfaces in ColdFusion, PHP, Python, Ruby (Rails), and Java (8), I can say with some confidence that, at least to my taste, ColdFusion’s implementation of the modest SQL query is far and away the most elegant. Prove me wrong. Or, wait, read the rest of this thing first.

Is Windows Tolerable in 2020?

January 30, 2020

I’ve been using Windows full-time at home for about ten months following many, many years of exclusive macOS use. In this post, I will tell you all of the things I like and dislike about Windows as a full-time desktop operating system for both casual use and more serious photography and software work.

Within this post, you can expect to find:

  • Unvarnished opinions of both Apple and Microsoft

  • Light cursing

  • Too many words

A forewarning: this post is really long, which is why I’ve provided a table of contents. Please feel free to read the part(s) that interest you, my feelings won’t be hurt, I just wanted to vent anyway.

Let us begin.