I just love these commercials for prescription drugs that we’re forced to sit through nowadays. You can’t watch the morning news (which is the extent of my television experience these days) without being recommended salves, ointments, pills, injections, and inhalers for virtually any malaise on the minds of the modern individual. The flaccid penises, stuffy noses, socially anxious, and now the insomniacs of the world have found solace in drugs through extremely polished advertising campaigns.
I won’t get into the fact that your doctor probably knows better what drug suits your particular medical history and body chemistry than a commercial animated by the same people who do the Super Bowl in-game graphics, but one commercial in particular really got me thinking. It was a commercial for Ambien CR, the new prescription “sleep aid,” which is essentially a sleeping pill. Their disclaimer states:
Until you know how AMBIEN CR will affect you, you shouldn’t drive or operate machinery. Be sure you’re able to devote 7 to 8 hours to sleep before being active again. Sleepwalking, and eating or driving while not fully awake, with amnesia for the event, have been reported.
Let me put this in simpler terms. Number one, you shouldn’t drive while you’re taking Ambien CR. Number two, you may go driving while you’re taking Ambien CR and you won’t remember it. How reassuring! At least I won’t know that I took the car out for a leisurely 4 AM spin until I wake up the following morning, stumble into the kitchen, and see that my car is parked across the front lawn covered in all of my neighbors’ patio furniture.
That’s like a medical disclaimer that says, “If you value your life and the lives of those around you, do not consume milk while taking this product. By the way, this product has been reported to cause insatiable thirst for milk.”
Hooray for big pharma!
yes. true. my favorites are the ones that cause nausea, vomitting, explosive shits, dizziness, and “should not be taken or handled by women due to the risk of a particular birth defect.” or the ones that “in rare cases, have been known to cause serious infection, so please notify your doctor if you have any disorders of the liver or kidneys, have an open wound or infection, or if you have advanced HIV disease.” ammmmmazing that the FDA approves shit like this- after 10 years of study they must sit around a table and say, “ok, well, we can cure erectile disfunction but we might cause women to become infertile and kill a bunch of people with diabetes, hiv, and kidney disease. eh, it’s a gamble we’re willing to take!” brilliant fuckers.